Steph's Side: Eff Love

So, lately I have been feeling strangely like the single friend. And none of my friends are in relationships. They just have guys there, and I don't. And I've been shrugging it off, but subconsciously, the sting is still there. Nobody's perfect, alright...

Okay...so a couple of days ago, a guy I had met a couple of weeks ago through one of Katy's friends asked Katy about me when she and her friend were hanging out. She said I was fine and everything, and at the end of their convo, he asked her for my number. [Sidebar: Me and him spent like three hours having a pretty good convo about life and everything, but because of my mancation, I really didn't care if anything happened between us or not.] Katy, being considerate, told him that she didn't just give out her friend's numbers all willy nilly.



Later on, though, she told me about it, thinking I would laugh it off or something, but I actually thought about it and told her to go ahead and give it to him. I mean, maybe I'm going against the original rules of this man-cation by doing so, but at the time, I was like, "What is one phone convo gonna do to my man-cation? Plus, he's just a friend. This just meant that he wants to have another friendly convo." While my mind was thinking, "What?! He not only remembers me, but he asked for my number? WHOA!" So, as you can probably tell, I was headed for a real destructive path. I already was talking myself out of thinking he liked me, and he hadn't even texted me yet.

The hour preceding his text message was very strange, looking back at it. I didn't really wait for it, but I obsessed about what it may mean. Okay, I'm exaggerating, a bit, I didn't obsess, but I did wonder about it. Because it was mad random. And came at a really weird time. Like I had just had the shittiest of shitty days, and I thought this was some good karma coming my way. So, when he finally texted me (I say finally, because I had a false alarm when my alarm went off...), I was more curious than anything.

We texted til the early morning, and I even woke up to a good morning text the next day and we texted all day. At this point, I had to pray. I prayed that if this wasn't serious, that the Lord expose him. I asked God for what his intentions were. And I asked him to help me be brave enough to find out. Because at this point, my suspicion was very high and I was questioning his genuineness. And my prayers were answered. I asked him how long his last relationship was and he told me this, I kid you not, "Two years and counting."

I couldn't help but to laugh. I laughed and showed my friends, then I kind of felt like crying. Because even though I knew in my heart of hearts where it was going, there was still a smidgen of hope from what I like to call my inner romantic there that maybe, just maybe someone cool, insightful and smart wanted to "talk" to me. And when it didn't happen, my little romantic was disappointed. So, to add insult to injury, when I asked him why he asked for my number, he said it was because I "seemed like I could be a good friend."

I am so tired of people perceiving that about me. That I am a giving person, but the second I want to take, I feel like a sleazeball for even suggesting that I take anything. I am sick of guys already putting me in the friend category and going through weird lengths to be my friend, but not anything more. I already have enough friends, what makes you think that I really need someone like you in my life anyways??? Because of this, I kick up my man-cation in high fucking gear, and I say,

Because I am too through. MANCATION FOR LIFE!!!!!


Peace && Love,

Steph Laughs :)